My heart is tired

Seriously, I don't know what am I doing nowadays.



I had been back-stabbed by my friendlies (well is my fault to treat him as friendlies)
I helped him, and he choose to do this to me.
He back-attacked me in front of their friends.
I feel really hurt and hard to forget about this.
I had given a chance for him since he did tortured me during the NS with the new friends he met.
Gosh he became allied with those new people to attack his friendlies.
Alright I forget about this, and he choose to do this again.
Now that's sound great.
I don't what to do now.

I started to think, I might be a public enemy.
I don't know who is truly a friend, or an undercover among the friends, seeking for a chance to take me down.
I opened my heart, but someone had take this opportunity to cut my heard straight away.
I used to be left out by the friends in the school since young.
Although we know each other, they didn't asked me for a outing during weekends or stuffs.
I started to feel like, all of these, is because of my problem.

I'm a bad guy.
I'm a stranger.
I'm weird.
I'm not doing the things that normal people does.
I'm out of the topic.
I'm worst.

I should think about this before I intended to have a girl friend.
But I didn't, that's why I was hurt again.

I feel really very bad right here, right now.
I'm pretending.
I'm fake.

My heart is so cold, I lost the enthusiasm for everything.
Even my favorite subject, biology, is not an exception.
I did all my subject worst than how I did last term. All of them got their marks declined.

The serious one is, I even lost the enthusiasm and passion for God.
I keep sinning.
I know I was wrong but I can't stop that by myself.
I feel really bad.
Really hurt.
I serious don't know what to do now.
I feel like my spirit is rotten.

I'm officially got the supercharger break down.

My heart is tired.




God, help me.