My heart is tired

Seriously, I don't know what am I doing nowadays.



I had been back-stabbed by my friendlies (well is my fault to treat him as friendlies)
I helped him, and he choose to do this to me.
He back-attacked me in front of their friends.
I feel really hurt and hard to forget about this.
I had given a chance for him since he did tortured me during the NS with the new friends he met.
Gosh he became allied with those new people to attack his friendlies.
Alright I forget about this, and he choose to do this again.
Now that's sound great.
I don't what to do now.

I started to think, I might be a public enemy.
I don't know who is truly a friend, or an undercover among the friends, seeking for a chance to take me down.
I opened my heart, but someone had take this opportunity to cut my heard straight away.
I used to be left out by the friends in the school since young.
Although we know each other, they didn't asked me for a outing during weekends or stuffs.
I started to feel like, all of these, is because of my problem.

I'm a bad guy.
I'm a stranger.
I'm weird.
I'm not doing the things that normal people does.
I'm out of the topic.
I'm worst.

I should think about this before I intended to have a girl friend.
But I didn't, that's why I was hurt again.

I feel really very bad right here, right now.
I'm pretending.
I'm fake.

My heart is so cold, I lost the enthusiasm for everything.
Even my favorite subject, biology, is not an exception.
I did all my subject worst than how I did last term. All of them got their marks declined.

The serious one is, I even lost the enthusiasm and passion for God.
I keep sinning.
I know I was wrong but I can't stop that by myself.
I feel really bad.
Really hurt.
I serious don't know what to do now.
I feel like my spirit is rotten.

I'm officially got the supercharger break down.

My heart is tired.




God, help me.

Best Wishes for my best friend....

Heard about, you might going back to Malaysia or even UK, for further study rather than staying at New Zealand.......
Well, it's sound sad for me.
My besties is leaving me again.
Although we get know each other for only couples of months,
there were too much things happened around us,
and developed our friendship.
I still remember that, you are the one who talk to me first.

Anyway, I have to say that,

In fact,
You are the one who care about me.
You are the one who text me, asked where am I, how was going, what am I doing...stuffs like that by filling up my inbox.
You are the one who makes me understand that it's doesn't matter rich or poor, because something of us is missing, and something from us can fill up each other.
You are the one who makes me believe that pure friendship between boys and girls does exist, instead of relationship.
You are the one who are willing to share problems with me, so am I.
You are the one who accompanied me during my difficulties time.
You are the one who I want to treat a meal.
You are the one who is the first girl I ever hugged.
You are the one who are so mean to me.

So, thanks for everything, sorry for anything.

Best wishes, farewell, and goodbye to my very best friend, Michelle.

Friendship Forever

Its hurts

And again. It is time to give up.
A best friend had told me an bad news, which giving me such an impact for me.
She is not willing to with me.
Fine, that's great.
I know that she know I like her and what she thinks now.
Its hurt man.
2nd attempt become a failure again.
Damn I so stress and fear for few days, but I cant express it on my face.
Damn pain.

I felt very guilty to like her, because I know that I was damn wrong.
I shouldn't falling on someone on the first sight, which I'm not conscious about it.
That's great. I learned one more thing then.
I'm too innocent and immature. I'm not conscious on what on the earth am I doing.
Even talking also not processed by brain, most of the time.
Great, I got whole lots of weakness through out my body.

I have enough. I need to rest.
Its very hurt and very pain.

Love is not complicated, but is all about serious

I found a lot of things which I have to learn when church service last night.

It was my fault to consider love is simple, because realistic does not tell me about that.

It is not complicated either, which means that circumstances tend to lead to a failure.

It is all about serious.

God send somebody to give me advise again, I felt that I might have to slow down, or even stop chasing someone.

I have to realise that, she is not center of my life. I cannot desire for it, or else I will lost everything, including the one who died for me, Jesus, for my sins.

Lord Jesus is the center on my life.

To start a relationship, to be honest, it is definitely not a game.
Although I did consider it like this, but now I found that it become more and more serious.

There are too much factor need to be taken into account.

Until here, I will ask myself, should I give up? or keep going?
If yes, mean that I choose not to overcome my obstacle in life!
There is not maturity, not fruit in my spiritual growth!

Or, I have to equip myself until I'm ready?

God please let me know how to love you, since you died for me, my everything
Please let me know how to love myself, if not I will not know how to love people around me.
Please let me realise what is the priority that should to done in the very first.
Please help me to know more about you, my spiritual growth.......
Please close the door of the wrong way and open the right door for me.....
Please guide me when I done wrong decision...


Pray for me

I have so many things to thank my GOD today

I finished my presentation, which I used to hate it.

I felt no nervous, and I'm satisfied on my performance.

I got the journal writing back this morning, with full marks (5)

And this time is all on my own, without my English friend's aid, as well as obtained a good comment from teacher.

Today is the 52th National Day of Malaysia, which makes me recalled I'm Malaysian.

I feel so glad that I'm Malaysia and I'm proud of it.

Everything just go very pleasant, and this makes me realize that,

God is with me all the times, all the ways.


God had let me know a lot of good friends recently,

some of them had changed my life.

I realize that pure friendship between boys and girls does exist in this world, which I not really keen on that.

God send some of them and speak to me, answering my question that I asked God.

I can experience the present of Lord Jesus.

I can feel that he is my best mate which always help me to figure out my trouble when I'm unable to do anything about that anymore.

I cannot stop praising God tonight.

Praise the great god, who know all our needs.........